A witty, rude and real-life guide to losing weight fast, adopting a healthier lifestyle and beating type 2 diabetes. It’s amusing, candid and hopefully you’ll find something to help you on the way to remission. Now available on Amazon in paperback, kindle or digital (it’s free if you are on Amazon Prime or Kindle Unlimited, how much more incentive do you need?).
Click here to buy on Amazon UK.
Click here to buy on Amazon USA.
For all other countries in the Amazon world see the flags below (I presume they felt obliged to include Brazil).
I’ve now been in remission from type 2 diabetes (T2D) for eight years, so I guess I must be doing something right. Being in remission means that T2D isn’t damaging me anymore. Anybody diagnosed with T2D will have been made well aware of the long-term havoc it can do to their body. Unless, when they were told, they put their fingers in their ears and started humming, “La, la, la, I’m not listening”. Which is exactly what I did for several years.
The disease is very popular these days. 5% of the UK’s adult population have been diagnosed with it, and another 1.3% don’t know they have it yet. By the year 2035, 10% of us Brits will be type 2 diabetic. That might make the recently diagnosed feel a little better, as there’s some safety in numbers, but the UK’s overstretched National Health Service isn’t too keen on the prospect. It’s not just a local problem either, the World Health Organisation says that diabetes is now the seventh biggest killer in the world.
New patients may not be feeling any immediate effects of T2D, so it becomes easy to be complacent. However, it is a sneaky disease and you can liken it to a mild acid flowing around your body, slowly eating away at your nerves, your organs and your eyes. It is the end of this slow production line of diabetic damage that our health professionals are now contending with.
After several years of doing very little about my condition I read about rapid weight loss having a high success rate in putting T2D into remission. It has become a proven theory since then, and our NHS is currently trialing liquid based diets of 800 calories per day. There’s also bariatric surgery, but it isn’t infallible as a patient’s bad eating habits can find ways around it. Likewise you probably don’t want to survive on liquids for the rest of your life, especially if they don’t contain alcohol.
Being absolutely clueless on the subject of sensible eating I devised my own practical regime for losing weight fast. One of the benefits of this workable approach was that I learned how to avoid everyday temptation by becoming the dominatrix in my relationship with food (and that’s not the only reference to bizarre sexual practices in the book, so buy now). I also learned how to fit exercise into my busy little life. These are the lessons that have kept me out of obesity and in remission.
I started out by identifying the heavy-hitters in my diet. I then developed workarounds to drastically reduce my consumption of those. I also pre-prepared my own special calorie-controlled breakfasts and lunches, thus avoiding the sweet and fatty temptations that lurk in coffee shops and lunchtime sandwich bars. My home-cooked dinners featured healthier ingredients and I soon realised that there really is no such thing as a low calorie takeaway, they are all evil.
I discovered convenient exercise by walking set routes every day and I gradually built up to being the world’s most unlikely runner. After four months I had lost four stone (25 kilos) and my blood sugar came down from 60 mmol to 42mmol (48 mmol is the diabetic threshold). I’d proved that my blood sugar had been directly related to my weight. Most importantly, I’d also equipped myself with the knowledge of how to maintain my weight loss.
The low-calorie liquid diet or the surgeon’s knife may well kick T2D into remission, but they’re arduous procedures to undertake. Staying in remission is also hard work, but that has been made easier for me by firstly using a new lifestyle to beat this lifestyle related disease.
There’s obviously a lot more to beating T2D than just the above, but you’ll have to buy the book to find out (buy now). The book would also make an excellent present, should you know anybody that is type 2 diabetic (buy now). If you aren’t type 2 diabetic, as yet, then there are also plenty of rude words and embarrassing medical conditions to keep you amused whilst you reduce your risk of T2D by losing weight (buy now*).
*Apparently if you mention something three times people subconsciously take notice. Have you bought the book yet?
Buy now at the links below. I hope I got the translations right, my apologies if I’ve just insulted your sister or any of your sexual organs. I also apologise for distorting your flag (if you live in a country that gets upset about that sort of thing). Note to Japan: It’s about time you got yourselves a proper flag anyway.
JOHNNY SPANGLES - THE VILE PILE 
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