Clean Eating Mission Statement:

“Ich bin eine kartoffel”, as Kennedy once said.

I too am a potato, and as such I am full of starch and carbohydrates. Because of this our government says that I am a bad person and I will cost our struggling NHS lots of money. So in order to lose weight and be a good citizen I am going to fill myself with only good things from now on, like vegetables (bit weird), protein and jelly beans. I am also going to lift myself from my potato couch and run in the park every day. Even if this means being regularly chased by those evil four-legged poo-machines (dogs).

As part of this new regime I shall share the occasional recipe with you. These foods will be low in calories and high in yummy scrumminess. Please note that if you are to adhere to this new-fangled philosophy of clean-eating, then your kitchen, utensils and hands must be ‘clean’ (I think that’s what it’s all about*). This is difficult for me because I am a potato, I have no hands and I live in a muddy potato field. You have no excuse, so please wash your hands after a dump.

Fish Soup, serves four:


Three Pollack Fillets (Frozen from Lidl, as cheap as chips), or other firm fish. Do not use aquarium fish, despite Weasel the Cat’s recommendation (see picture).

Frozen King Prawns (preferably raw), or normal cooked prawns.

Teaspoon of whole fennel seeds, or a bit more if you like the taste.

Frylite Spray Oil

Two Leeks, thinly sliced

Two celery stalks, thinly sliced

Two carrots, diced into very small pieces

Three garlic cloves, peeled, chopped and crushed.

Two tins of Chopped Tomatoes

1.5 litres of Hot Fish Stock (three Knorr fish stock cubes dissolved in boiling water will do)


Defrost Fish and Prawns, but keep the defrost liquid.

Get a large saucepan and spray with oil. Add fennel seeds, celery, carrots and garlic. Heat for five minutes or so until starting to soften

Add leeks, allow to soften for another few minutes.

Add stock, tomatoes and defrosting liquid, stir, bring to the boil, cover and simmer for thirty minutes. Add salt and plenty of black pepper.

Chop fish into bite size pieces and add to pot with prawns.

Simmer for five minutes longer

Serve solids evenly into warmed bowls with a slotted spoon, then top up bowls with the soup liquid that remains in the pan.

Grate a bit of parmesan on top of the soup.

Now eat the tasty num nums soup.

Can be frozen for up to a month, apparently…but don’t blame me if it all goes tits up.

*Johnny Spangles accepts no responsibility for food poisoning, choking on fish bones, Colorado Beetle infestations, constipation, piles brought on by constipation, worms, dysentery, cat flu, allergic reactions, fits, screaming abdabs, hallucinations or any other malady you suffer as a result using out of date ingredients that you got cheap…and I probably nicked the recipe from someone else in the first place so you can blame them.